I'm not sure flying in space is such a good idea.

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 15:48:43 GMT

*giggle*

high school make out session complete.

:)

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 12:57:47 GMT

I am crossposting. But I keep a lot of my ideas for novels in this journal. Just usually private. BUT NOT TODAY!

walking in 4/4 time avoiding puddles on a rainy day. it seems like it's a mission i just wasn't cut out for. it's like trying to dodge the tears from the lacerated sky by jumping from side to side. brunswick st. might look and laugh because you look like you are auditioning for the circus but you forgot the music. it's nobodys fault that the springs in your head tend to re-wind when the rain falls harder.

if standing under the giant umbrella that shields the buildings from the effervescent is what you need to do to collect your thoughts and fold them neatly into the corners of your re-usable bag then do it. but don't expect me to stop jumping from side to side to help you.

getting to the destination i had circled in hearts on my map those months ago has been a trying, consistantly uphill experience in the truest of forms. by that i mean that sometimes you forget that you are going uphill and you can take time to enjoy the fact that you are sauntering through crunchy leaves and grass that isn't quite as green as it used to be. sometimes there is still some dew on the grass and i remove my footwear to feel it clean the wounds between my toes.

it's a familiar uphill climb.

this post wasn't meant to make sense i guess.

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 13:36:02 GMT

Marie Rita Virginie Swartz (ne Chretien). February 20th 1918- Ocotber 14th-2009.

my rock. my inspiration. the person who helped teach me how to be a lady when my mom was at work. the woman who would take me out for a happy meal and teach me how to drink soda from a paper cup like it was made of ceramic. she made hats as a child, she was left to tend to her family when he father left them. she lived through the great depression, world war II as a jew and so much more. her spirit was dignified and beautiful. she was a woman who knew what she wanted and was not going to let anything hold her back. she opened a business in the 60s. when most women were worried about merely getting a job my grandmother opened her own business. she ran a restaurant for years. she tended to my father and uncle like they were made of gold. she mended mittens and volunteered with the synagogue. she would pick me up from school and play endless hours of monopoly. she would coach my mother and father when they needed help. she wore gloves during tea time and drank from fine china. she was the most giving and caring and beautiful person.

the past four years saw her health fading. she became more and more frail, and she would forget which members of her family were standing in front of her. it pained her more than any of us because you could see that she knew what was going on, but she couldn't express it quite right. my parents were in strife for years trying to make sure her quality of life was the best it could be until the very last minute. she passed away peacefully in her rocking chair on october 14th while watching the evening news.

it isn't tragic. this is why i have a hard time accepting people's "sorrys". it was her time. she was prepared more than anyone could have been. she had called my father and his brother both that evening and made sure they knew she loved them. it's not the death i am having a hard time accepting, it's the fear of losing my memories of her, or her legacy passing into the background.

through all of the lies and deceit i have been through lately through people who i once considered friends, or potential friends it has taken this for me to be able to step back and removed toxic people from my daily life. it's too short to feel like you need to be surrounded constantly by drama and people who can't keep their story straight to you. my head was clouded trying to decipher if these people cared about me or not. it is clear that it is not true. a harsh reality is coming to the realization that people have been knowingly deceitful and hurtful to you. i am ready to put that behind me. i know for a fact that i will never escape it, but for now i need to surround myself in people who will not do this.

being surrounded by jewish culture and religion for a few days has made me realize i need to learn more about it. i don't plan on converting fully, but it is such an important part of who my family is that i feel i should familiarize myself with it. it is a part of my grandparents that i hope does not die any time soon.

i learned some hebrew. i spoke gaelic. my grandmother's french roots are in me.

i am drained. so, very drained.

rest in peace madame swartz
peut dieu avoir votre âme
ani veatah neshane et haolam

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 12:19:32 GMT

my heart just needs to not hurt.

even for five minutes.

ill take five minutes.

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 19:16:03 GMT

Oh! Hello LIFE! I am so glad someone wrote a song about my life!

Soko-I'll Kill Her

so, of course, you were supposed to call me tonight
you were supposed to call me tonight
we would have gone to the cinema
and, after, to the restaurant, the one you like in your street

we would have slept together, have a nice breakfast together
and then a walk in a park together, how beautiful is there!
you would have said "i love you" in the cutest place on earth
where some lullabies are dancing with the fairies

i would have waited like a week or two
but you never tried to reach me
no, you never called me back
you were dating that bleach-blonde girl
if i find her, i swear, i swear...

i'll kill her, i'll kill her
she stole my future, she broke my dream
i'll kill her, i'll kill her
she stole my future when she took you away

i would have met your friends, we would have had a drink or two
they would have liked me, 'cause sometimes i'm funny
i would have met your dad, i would have met your mum
she would have said "please, can you make some beautiful babies?"

so we would have had a boy called tom and a girl called susan, born in japan

i saw it was a love story, but you don't want to get involved
i saw it was a love story, but you're not ready for that ...
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com

me neither. i'll kill her
she stole my future, she broke my dream
i'll kill her, i'll kill her
she stole my future when she took you away

she's a bitch you know, all she's got is blondeness
not even tenderness, yeah, she's cleverless
she'll dump your arse for a model called brendan
he will pay for beautiful surgery 'cause he's full of money

i would have waited like a week or two
but you never tried to reach me
no, you never called me back
you were dating that bleach-blonde girl
if i find her, i swear, you know, i swear, i swear ...

i'll kill her, i'll kill her
she stole my future, she broke my dream
i'll kill her, i'll kill her
she stole my future when she took you away
i'll kill her, i'll kill her
she stole my future, she broke my dream
i'll kill her, i'll kill her
she stole my future when she took you away

man, i told you, you know, if i find her,
i really, i, i mean, i'll kill her, for real!
it's like for sure, you have to know, uh,
i mean, you know, i can do it, man,
i'll kill her.

Sat, 05 Sep 2009 11:33:48 GMT

Oh, life.

You're not as funny as you think you are.

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 00:08:30 GMT

I have an addiction to makeup, fashion and modelling.

I dont want to model, nor would i ever have thebody but god DAMN. Runay shows are such a fucking HIGH.

I have never had so much fun as I did today doing makeup and helping a local designer out.

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 00:54:20 GMT

awkwardfamilyphotos.com

You can thank me later if you haven't seen it!

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 20:04:37 GMT

Today has involved:

-Getting a new job
-Planning road trip to montreal with adam.

so very excited.

This is my passive agressive note to FB friends.

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 23:05:42 GMT

Dearest of Facebook friends:

While I appreciate your somewhat questionable-dedicated friendship, I certainly have a bone to pick with you. We probably barely know each other, and when you update I probably question how you became to exist on my list, you are there, and that is something I deal with every day. That is perfectly fine, you know..I made my bed and I will lay in it.

HOWEVER

I do not want to know what my nationality of my past life was. Frankly, I don't believe in that shit so literly and I find it pretty annoying having to OPEN the browser and then OPEN the invitation to close it. This is valuable facebook time you are eating up here, folks. I mean I could be looking at the twelve million seven hundred and sixty three pictures you have of you holding your new puppy/nephew/baby/boyfriend/concert tickets, but no...you would rather I try and figure out what NATIONALITY I WAS BEFORE THIS LIFE. Seriously, let's get it out in the air I was clearly African, no doubt about it. There, no test needed.

Also, while I am sure you feel it is really important that Facebook tells you what kind of gurrrrl you are in bed, I feel differently about it, so please stop inviting me to take this quiz. No, I don't think you're a skank, and really by publishing it to the world that YOU think you are a durrrtttyy skank is not going to land you a husband. Seriously! On the same note: please stop sending me the quiz on when Facebook thinks I will get married as well. hey don't know me okay!?

Alright.
Where is that interrobang when you need it?(!)

Yours in questionable online-friendship,

Alanna

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 18:57:47 GMT

one year until we are packing up and moving our bums back to that lovely city.

this makes me happy.

so does annie leibovitz.

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 01:15:48 GMT

Everyday for the past week I have read this poem.
It's incredibly helpful.

Max Ehrmann

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 01:09:15 GMT

I will be honest and say I have never seen the show Intervention. Mainly because it looks so real. I think that actual intervention is far too serious an issue to make a reality TV show out of. Peris Hilton searching for a new BFF? Yes. Someone struggling to get off the booze/coke or whatever? No.

However...the next one is titled "a diabetic struggles with his insulin..."

What?

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 00:50:41 GMT

It seems as though I might be getting a Christmas present from my parents this year. Dad called to discuss what i may want with Adam. This is a really big improvement from last year....

I don't even want to re-visit Xmas 07

My thoughts on the obesity epidemic

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 16:10:05 GMT

Are the little black pepper packs REALLY made of black pepper?

I mean, what are the chances of every single flake of pepper being identical?

If my theory is correct it is really made if pepper flavoured pencil shavings and this could bethe source of North America's obesity epidemic.

We aren't fat! We're stuffed with penci shavings!

Everyone I know is getting a pepper grinder and peppercorns for Christmas.

EVERYONE.

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 13:41:59 GMT

I took it from your journal Crystal because I had to share it with the livejournal friends I have who are not on BK.

AMAZING

Sun, 26 Oct 2008 17:43:46 GMT

I am taking a stand against fresh herbs!

I am not really.

But I hate when people sneak cilantro into perfectly delicious foods that don't NEED cilantro. GREEK SALAD FOLKS.

I had a mouthful, and now, much like eggplant parm soup I will be turned off of greek salad for years in fear of my mouth being invaded by millions of little cilantro hellbugs.

Also: flat leaf parsley. What the fuck? The curly shit is ok (see Tabouleh) but the flat leaf stuff is like a young cilantro that hasn't quite gotten fully RANCID.

Lets stick to delicious delicious salt and garlic, shall we?

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 01:01:51 GMT

Update me with whats going on, damnit

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 01:15:25 GMT

Watching the french language debate is like watching 11 year old children in a cabin at camp bicker over who stole the other's hairbrush. Also, damn it sucks to be May...she is not given a chance in hell to say anything.

Sat, 20 Sep 2008 03:28:05 GMT

So.

I am FINALLY done my education (for now).

I have an internship at the QEII foundation. A fabulous internship may I add.

I am ready to take on the world.
I am ready to settle down somewhere and have a job. I want to explore and be happy.
I want to be with peace.
I want to be happy and fufilled and I am not about to let anything get in my way.

I have come to realize that only I am the one who can control any of these things. I don't care how much we need to be told. Nobody can tell you to have a personal awakening. Nobody can walk into our lives, figuratively or literly and take away our burning passion to be sucessful. No, I don't mean money and riches and love and wealth and health. I mean the real success. The kind that when you go to bed at night, or day whatever you wish, you can lose yourself in your mind, your thoughts and yourself and be satisfied. You don't question what you did or who you are. Someone once said that once this happens I will know it. I am surrounded every day with tasks and challenges that make me want to hide under a bed. I sometimes want to scream at the top of my lungs, move to an island and just read books until death changes my life. But really, I have a lot. I have a passionate and profound connection with a man who treats me like a queen on a bad day, the kind of connection I have is beyond what Cinderella told me about love and can only be labled as soulmates for lack of a better more descriptive word. I have a degree, a diploma, and countless friends and family. I have health and fresh water whenever i want it. I have cean clothes and a pet and socks to cover my toes. I have a camera to save my memories for me.

I have it.

I have unbrittled passion.

I was once told by a foolish boy that it would get me in trouble. If I could go back and laugh at him I would.

I was once told by a foolish woman that I don't try hard enough.

Someday I will be a big deal. Someday I will do all of the change that I truly want and I will be so happy to call you all my friends and family and loved ones.

Someday I will be sucessful.

Sat, 06 Sep 2008 23:20:06 GMT

After a morning of making Adam's shirt soggy with tears, my best friend Heather called and told me we were going to the gym.

620 calories burned later, and 2 lbs lighter since last week I feel much better about myself and I have faith SOMEONE will hire me.

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 15:16:56 GMT

Hello lovers.

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 19:11:45 GMT

I have so much creative writing to do, yet I feel completely uninspired.

I even poured up a glass of wine, olive tapenade, smoked salmon and othe rpretentious goodies and STILL nothing.

I need more quality friends. I really felt pangs of missing people when I was with you select few who came out last night. I love you muchly. I wish I loved St John's as much as I love the people.

Fri, 30 May 2008 03:07:57 GMT

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

See you this weekend!

Mon, 05 May 2008 00:42:03 GMT

I wish I could put into words how sad I felt today when I spoke to my grandmother and the most she could form was three sentences before getting too confused.